This is the second part of our chat on People Pleasing. This post contains a list of statements, affirmations and people pleasing indicators that I think are super helpful for recovering people pleasers. I think this list is phenomenal and I really want to jump right in but I recognize, as a recovering people pleaser that people pleasers are sometimes uncomfortable with the statements below. I was uncomfortable with several of them! I had to ask myself “Why are you so uncomfortable?” and the honest answer was “Because many of these statements sound WRONG.” My “That’s-Not-Right” alarm had started going off.
Interestingly enough though, another thought pulled right up beside my “that’s wrong” thought. The new thought was “You feel awful, that’s a fact. You need to change SOMETHING. Everyone else is thrilled with how you serve their interest and you’re sitting here miserable. Doing what you call “right” has left you spent. Maybe your “This is right and that is wrong” button is broken and accepting these statements is the first step on the road to recovery“. 🙂
So, I pressed forward and, honestly, started seeing immediate results.
I am encouraging you to put “right” and “wrong” out of your head as we recover from the effects of living for other folks pleasure and comfort.
My last sidebar:
I read these statements several times a day and I try to focus on the ones that speak to me the MOST and the ones that speak to me the LEAST. The purpose of the first focus is obvious. The purpose of the second focus comes from an idea I have. My habit of people pleasing is connected to my feeling of worth and I may unintentionally overlook a statement that would be life changing due to my innate self preservation reflex. (does that sound crazy? LOL maybe a little weird) Anywho, I focus on whats screaming off the page and whats stone silent. What speaks to me from this list changes almost daily.
1. What I do is good enough.
2. Other peoples response to me is THEIR choice/decision
3. I am giving my best to the collective good of all parties involved when I choose me first.
4. Receiving is just as noble and honorable a giving.
5. I am not responsible for others people’s happiness.
6. It is NOT my priority to not upset anyone.
7. Who I am is what counts. Not what I say or what I do.
8. When I feel that I am doing more than my share of the work load I am people pleasing.
9. When I feel that there is never enough time I am people pleasing. There is always enough time to do what needs to be done.
10. My goal is to be happy and enjoy God.
11. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I have forgotten my last mistakes.
12. When I feel that I don’t have a choice I am people pleasing. I ALWAYS have a choice.
13. Stop promising.
14. I will pay attention to my feelings. They are indicators of what I am thinking. Change my thoughts = changing my feelings.
15. People pleasing is just a habit not a personality trait.
16. I do not need to focus all of my attention on other people 100% of the time.
17. I cannot avoid conflicts, disagreements or hurt feelings.
18. The moment I choose to stop people pleasing I will begin to identify my goals.
19. People pleasers don’t make decision. SO START MAKING THEM 🙂
20. “Take it easy and relax” Absorb that statement and live it.
21. Always give yourself credit.
22. Refuse to lie for fear of rocking the boat. ROCK ON!
23. Value your opinion. OPO’s should always be a far speck of a distant 2nd place consideration.
24. Who cares if someone thinks or calls me selfish. I know that accusation comes from their thoughts and feelings. They have to own their stuff. I will keep it moving.
25. Ask for help. Accept help.
26. Say what you really think and feel. Say it nicely but still say it. Be real.
27. Guess what! Being wrong is not the end of the world. I will survive 🙂
28. Do not feel guilty. You, my dear, have done enough.
Remember that you are created in God’s image. You are His handiwork and He loves you with an undying love!!!!
Which ones speak to you? How do they make you feel?
The next post will be about how our loved ones respond to our decision to rehabilitate.